I have 2 kids. My boy, who is 12, lives with his mum, my ex-wife, but he has regular visits from me. We go to football practice and my boy often has overnight stays. From another relationship I have a daughter, Sarah, who was taken from her mum after birth.

‘Social services assessed her mum and decided that Sarah should be adopted out. I do not work any more and live in an upstairs apartment. I struggled with my money and had some debts I have to repay. I had to ask to be assessed by social services to care for my daughter. ‘At first, Sarah’s mum and me had supervised contact together. Then I was able to pay a solicitor, who suggested I had another assessment from an independent social worker. This assessment was good and said that “a plan should be considered to allow my daughter to grow up in her family of origin”.

I felt that things were moving forward. ‘My relationship with Sarah’s mum ended, and it was agreed that I could have contact with Sarah on my own, for 20 hours a week, supervised. I had plenty of assessments by different assessors. My community nurse (learning disabilities nurse) helped the social worker to complete an assessment that was designed for parents with a learning disability (LD). It was decided that I could care for my daughter for 47 hours a week, without any supervision. Sometimes social workers would turn up at my apartment unannounced to make sure everything was ok.

‘Then, when Sarah was 16 months old, it was decided that she could live with me. On the day before she came home to me, I was told that court would have to decide before she could come home. I felt bad, so I telephoned my community nurse, who helped me to speak to my solicitor and my daughter’s social worker, and her manager, and then they decided Sarah could come home as planned. There will be more meetings and court hearings before it is definitely decided that she can stay with me. ‘Having Sarah at home with me has improved my life. I feel lots of self-satisfaction because I have done everything – all the steps I had to take to satisfy the social workers. Sometimes, I can’t see the point of having to do those steps, because I already have a boy.

‘My family have helped me to get the flat decorated and they keep me right. I thought my community nurse was the first worker who tried to help me. All the other workers would contact her and she always told me what had been said. ‘She would read letters and report  to me because I cannot read or write very well. She helped me to realise that it was other people’s problem to give me information that I would understand, and not my problem for not being able to understand. She reminded me of appointments and times.

She helped me with any problems I had with social workers, and she helped me to make telephone calls. She came to my solicitor’s with me and to court and explained things to me and for me. I did some assertiveness work with my community nurse that made me plan my life in a different way, and to think differently. I was honest with workers. I understood that my community nurse was there for me and the social worker was there for my daughter. ‘I had 2 different social workers and thought that they were honest with me about what they expected, and they would tell me if I did anything wrong. My solicitor was good at explaining things to me, and she would always write letters to my community nurse as well as me, to make sure I understood what was happening.

Then the visitor did not know I could not read and write very well, but when she found out she gave me information that I could understand. ‘My daughter is nearly 2 years old now, and the recommendation for the final court hearing is that my daughter remains in my care. Me and my boy feel dead chuffed, and my ex-wife feels proud of me for what I did.’

http://www.baringfoundation.org.uk/SupportingParents.pdf